I tried to imagine you dead;
How it might feel to be you-less;
What magic was wrenched from within me;
How large the factor of missingness.
What sorrow could I now conjure
From your complete disappearance?
It’s easier, much, to imagine
A vision of something not seen,
Impossibly hard to expunge
What fills every moment of being
With intertwined considerations
And amalgamations of dreams.
And parts of my heart had bled
Their watery life lubrication
And parts of my mind had shed
Their confident sure expectation
That love is the ultimate prize
And fear is the ultimate sin
I tried to imagine my loss
Not having, not holding, not keeping
As you lay beside me in slumber
Your flickering wakefulness seeping
And that is the reason you found my tears
In the tissue in which I’d been weeping
On another day – another sweat-saturated night
– another time of year – another time of life
This would seem a bad dream in the brain of a worm
– the mind of a bat – the head of Medusa
You would seem like a fallen angel
– a vicious beauty with claws in my flesh
– teeth in my neck
– a trickle of red making haste
from clavicle to navel
mingled with sweat from the brow of a sultry night
You made the earth move
Heaving up the soil as you rise through the mound,
suppurating from death’s unease and Earth’s disease.
You crawl, creep, dripping with decay
to smother my body with sticky slime, moonlight-shiny,
as I acquiesce and the stench of old fornication wells
as your thighs enclose and blot out sounds
and my being shrivels, sinking into your broken skin welts.
I am consumed, subsumed within your
God/Allah looks from lofty dais,
scours His Earth with searing stare,
examines hearts and minds and souls.
“Where are my people now?” He weeps.
“One day a week to pay lip service.
Those who think they are ‘the chosen’
now believe interpretations,
not The Word I trusted to them!
“‘Love Me, also love your neighbour
as you love yourself.’ I stated.
Still I find you maiming, killing,
raping torturing and starving.
“Would you treat yourself so badly?
Could you pour scorn and derision
on yourself and those close to you?
Should you, then, do this to others?
“I am not a Muslim, Buddhist,
Christian, Jew, Hindu or other.
Those are your organisations.
Those are your interpretations.
He turns and looks outward to Heaven,
stops, turns again and tells us loudly,
“If you do not cease your hatred
hatred then will be your downfall!
“Don’t expend your life so cheaply.
It’s a gift to you and all.
All your enemies have that treasure.
Who are you to stamp upon it?
“Do you think I’m weak or stupid
Needing you to punish for Me?
Find a way to coexist!
That’s still your most important task.